Musings about Ecstatic Birth
with special thanks to Tanya Parsons and Patti Ramos for the photographs in this blog
A colleague of mine recently asked me to share my thoughts about the upcoming ecstatic birth tele-summit which begins October 20th. What follows are some of my musings.
First, what I’d like to share is that when I read the original invitation to the event, what I kept imagining was that the word “sensuality” was being used in place of the word “sexuality” as a way to make the ecstatic birth tele-summit sound less threatening to the mainstream world. While it makes sense to me that there would be some concern about using the word “sexuality” in the context of a larger culture that is heavily engaged in the shadow expression of sexual energy, I feel it is important for us to honor (and not dilute the reality) that birth is a sexual experience — and also for us to boldly encourage all people to get comfortable with the sexual realities of birth — including the reality that birth (and breastfeeding) can lead to orgasm.
Second, it is important for us to understand (and speak to) the reasons why many people are uncomfortable thinking about birth as a sexual event – the main reason being, of course, that the expression of human sexuality in our culture has become shadowy and perverse, and millions of adults have been misusing their sexual energy and parasitically attaching to each other as a means of attaining physical gratification. It is one thing for us, as adults, to be willing to reduce ourselves and each other to objects of fleshy gratification. It is quite another thing, however, for us to be willing to do this with our babies and/or turn our babies into objects through which we can gain a satisfactory physical sensation. That is why, when people think about having (and/or actually do have) an orgasm while giving birth and/or breastfeeding, many feel ashamed and uncomfortable, as if the experience of orgasm only has a place within the sordid world of carnal desire.
Even those who do not understand or “get” this on a conscious level intuitively understand it, and it negatively influences their acceptance of the idea that birth can, and in fact should be, a sexually ecstatic experience.
This is something that absolutely needs to be understood and addressed (i.e., the shame we feel about having a sexually pleasurable experience in relation to our children) and it requires a discussion — straight up — about the dysfunction that is playing itself out in our culture around sexuality and the habit that most adult humans have of reducing themselves (and each other) to objects of physical gratification.
Third, it is important to understand that when we approach birth as if it is separate from the sex we had or are having (and the thoughts and experiences that we had or are having) during the conception and gestation of our children, we are missing something huge. Birth is not separate from the rest of our sexual attitudes, beliefs, habits, behaviors, customs and practices. And it is not separate from our past experiences. It is the CULMINATION of these experiences/ways of being and birth can often be a RECAPITULATION of earlier events. If either parent has negative, lustful, fearful, or shame-based thoughts about the sex they are having during conception (or about the person they are having sex with), this will imprint into the fetus and affect his or her life forever. Similarly, if either parent has experienced trauma around sexuality, conception, gestation, or birth, and/or if these experiences have remained unconscious and/or un-integrated by either parent, then they will unconsciously imprint onto the fetus and often play themselves out (i.e., recapitulate) during the gestation or at the birth of the child. It is imperative for us — as leaders in this field — to start paying attention to all of the circumstances leading up to the birth if we sincerely want to support women to have an ecstatic and pleasurable birth experience. Also, we should pay much more attention to the need for ALL FAMILY MEMBERS to have an ecstatic birth experience and not just the women.
Fourth, it is absolutely essential for us to understand (and communicate to our students and clients) that birth is not just a physical event. The CONSCIOUSNESS of the parents plays a fundamental role in the outcome of the process and the outcome of the child. When we approach birth as if the “sensuality” of birth is of primary importance, we are focusing on the physicality of birth, rather than supporting people to understand the spiritual, psychological, and psychic dimension of who we are and of what birth is. Birth — when being experienced by two conscious parents who are bringing forth a conscious child — is a shamanic and transcendent gateway. It is an INTERDIMENSIONAL event. During birth, we are allowing our physical vessels to become the portal through which another soul may enter into this dimension. This has HUGE spiritual implications for our species which go far beyond having a physically pleasurable experience. Discussions about this reality appear minimal (or entirely missing) from the current teachings about ecstatic birth, yet they are essential for us to integrate (both within ourselves and within the events we organize and promote) if we hope to change the paradigm of birth and successfully bring forth a New Earth.
Everything is about our intention. Do we simply want women to have a physically pleasurable experience of birth? If so, why? Let’s ask ourselves, for example, what are the benefits of a woman bringing a vibrator into her birth experience so she can have an orgasm? Is she doing this for hedonistic reasons only, and if so, what type of psychological message and imprint does this leave on her child?
If physical pleasure is, indeed, a desired goal in birth (and I wholeheartedly believe it should be), then let’s make sure that we — as teachers and leaders in this field — are not promoting the pornographic consciousness of fleshy indulgence at birth, but rather helping people understand that ecstasy plays an essential role in activating the neurobiology of love during birth and in creating the context in which love can be preserved in families forever. This is a vital clarification to make.
My main concern is that when we focus on the “sensuality” of birth as a goal, we are promoting a truncated approach to this profoundly life-changing, initiatory rite-of-passage for parents and children. It is imperative for us to do more than simply invite women to be more connected to their bodies and to their sensuality during birth, lest we reduce ourselves and our species to physical objects and minimize the reality that birth is a powerful spiritual event. We need to support parents (both men and women) to understand the larger spiritual context of ecstasy at birth and help them “grock” the grand shamanic portal that is opening for them as they navigate through the initiatory gateway of birth.
What I would like to see in the future is the creation of events where all the teachers of ecstatic birth have integrated the things I am sharing here into their teachings. In this way, we can truly support parents to be fully conscious, integrated beings, who understand (and have moved to the other side of) the sexual, spiritual, psychic, and psychological dysfunction that exists within our culture and within themselves, and who have given full consideration to the multidimensional aspects of bringing forth life. Once that happens, a truly new experience of sexuality and birth can take place, and a truly new humanity can incarnate into our dimension.
One more thing — regarding the Anastasia books and a comment that was made about Anastasia being a sensual woman and Vladimir lusting after her upon the sight of her naked body. Yes, Anastasia is a sensual being, just as all spiritual beings in a body are. However, Anastasia does not allow herself to be reduced to this function. She collapses Vladimir into paralysis when he attempts to approach her from a lusty/physical gratification perspective. She only allows him to approach her WHEN HE DESIRES TO MAKE A CHILD WITH HER and when his consciousness is not directed toward fleshy indulgence but to the grand aspiration of co-creating life.
And — once Vladimir has experienced THIS TYPE of sexual experience, the usual sex becomes repugnant to him. He can no longer engage in it. And he can no longer look at Anastasia as a sexual object — or as a prospective candidate for what our culture would term “romantic love” (which is actually lustful attraction).
Something to consider.
Here are several relevant quotes about sexuality from the Anastasia books, by Vladimir Megre:
Most people are conceived in fleshy indulgence. But Man, the image and likeness of God, should not come into the world as a result of fleshy indulgence.” (Book 4, Co-Creation, p. 168)
“Tell me who – what individual – would want to come into the world as a result of carnal pleasure alone? We would all like to be created under a great impulsion of love, the aspiration to creation itself, and not simply come into the world as a result of someone’s carnal pleasure.” (Book 1, Anastasia, p. 64)
“What people do in bed today, calling it ‘love-making,’ is a mere mockery of Love and a debasement of God. The satisfaction of fleshy needs lasts but for a moment, and I would venture to say that it cannot compare with even a hundredth part of what has been determined in God’s plan for Man.” (Book 8.2, The Rites of Love, p. 152)
“People may enter many times afresh into sexual interaction only through the flesh – not realizing that true satisfaction in the flesh is impossible to attain. A man and a woman who unite on every plane of existence, impelled by radiant inspiration, earnestly aspiring to the act of creation, experience tremendous satisfaction. The Creator gave this experience to Man alone. No transitory thing this satisfaction. In never can compare with fleeting, fleshly gratification.” (Book 1, Anastasia, p. 67)
“They will strive to possess body after body, or make paltry and fateful use of their own bodies, realizing only intuitively that they are drifting farther and farther away from the true happiness of a true union… Here is an absolutely accurate explanation of the cause of conjugal infidelity… a man and a woman – the so-called husband and wife – engage in sex just for the sake of sex. When they intuitively feel they are not getting sufficient satisfaction, they turn to a specialist and read supplementary literature on the subject. They are advised to try various positions and ways of caressing each other – in other words, to engage in a search for greater satisfaction through switching sexual techniques. Note what I said – engage in a search… but where are the limits of this search. Is it just to a change of positions? The logical next step is a change of bodies… (Book 6, The Book of Kin, p. 18)
“No woman can restrain a man from fornication if she allows herself to submit to him merely to satisfy his carnal needs. If that has happened, their marital life will not be a happy one. There marital life is only an illusion of togetherness, a lie, a deception accepted by convention. For the woman immediately becomes a fornicator, regardless of whether she is married to the man or not.” (Book 1, Anastasia, p. 63)
“[Society has] tried to attach shame to anyone who leaves his family. But nothing, at any time or in any situation, has been able to stop Man’s desire to seek out that sense of intuitively felt grace – the greatest satisfaction. And to persist in seeking it.” (Book 1, Anastasia, p. 64)
“Here is the first rule… A female desiring to bear a fully fledged Man and create a solid and happy family must be able to capture the moment at which the male wishes to join with her for the purpose of giving birth to a [child], cherishes the image of their child-to-be and desires its birth… Under these conditions the man and woman obtain the highest possible satisfaction from their intimacy. And the child-to-be obtains a kind of energy which is absent in those who are born in the traditional manner – i.e., haphazardly… The pleasure and bliss experienced through this are significantly superior to mere sexual gratification… once the man has experienced it, he cannot bring himself to exchange the new sensation for mere sexual gratification. He will not be able to, or even desire to, betray his wife – his beloved. That is the moment that marks the beginning of the formation of the family. A happy family.” (Book 6, The Book of Kin, pp. 14-15).
“Nobody in a million years will ever be able to describe in detail what occurs between him and her when, when people merge together into one for the purpose of co-creation and bring forth the image of themselves and of God in a mutual impulse of love. But the god-people of the Vedruss culture knew for certain that when two people are joined together by an unexplainable miracle, each of them subsequently maintains his or her individuality. At the same time, the Universe shudders at the unexplainable moment, upon seeing the vision of the infant’s soul tripping barefoot through the stars, making way to the Earth, thereby embodying in itself the twain – plus a third, in one. (Book 8.2, Rites of Love, p. 150)
The lovers’ bodies were not the focus of attention. The bodies simply carried out people’s will and desire. People at that moment found themselves living in a different dimension. When the great and worthy act was accomplished, they returned to the Earth.” (Book 8.2, Rites of Love, pp. 152-153)