The Difference Between Sex and Love
Recently I was asked by a colleague to write a short essay on the difference between sex and love. Here are my musings:
SEX and LOVE are definitely not the same thing. Although the words are often used interchangeably in our society, there are some very important distinctions that should be made regarding the nature of sex and love and the quality of the experience that each provides.
The word “sex” can be used in a variety of different contexts, such as to describe the difference between male and female and/or to describe the activity of sexual intercourse.
Some people argue that intercourse is the only form of sexual activity that qualifies as sex, while others use the word sex to describe various forms of sexual behavior including oral sex, anal sex, masturbation, and all forms of sensual touch engaged in for the purpose of creating sexual arousal.
The activity of sex can result in an orgasm which provides the human body with an experience of physical pleasure. This physical pleasure can be brilliant and powerful, however, it is also fleeting and short-lived, and in some instances, can be followed by longer-term feelings of emotional, spiritual and psychological loss and depletion. This is especially true if sex is engaged in outside of the bonds of authentic love.
The activity of sex can also lead to the conception of children. However, it is important to note that babies who are conceived as a result of a lustful or loveless sexual encounter are often unwanted, which causes them to suffer — both in the womb and at birth and beyond. This can result in an adult who has life-long difficulty generating authentic experiences of love.
Children conceived through lustful or loveless sex are often perceived as draining or burdensome to their parents – whereas children who are purposefully conceived in a mutual explosion of love can provide feelings of restoration and renewal to their parents.
The mainstream media promote lustful and pornographic sex, as does the culture of “masculinity” in western society (i.e., a society that has come very far from understanding the truth of how the sacred masculine energy was intended to express itself). The media would have us believe that sex based on carnal desire will lead us to joy. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Sex engaged in solely for the purpose of fulfilling carnal desires will lead us away from love.
Pornographic sex (i.e., bodies without heads or hearts grabbing, rubbing and banging against each other) can cause incredible pain to the human psyche because this type of sex is devoid of spiritual depth and connection. Two bodies coming together for the sole purpose of experiencing fleeting moments of physical pleasure can leave participants feeling empty and short-changed once the sexual encounter is complete. This emptiness can be deep and profound, leading participants to engage in numerous sexual encounters in the hopes of someday experiencing “the real deal.” This is what we call sexual addiction.
The real deal, ironically, has nothing to do with carnal desire or physical pleasure, per se, but involves two people coming together with profound spiritual intent to engage in lovemaking for the express purpose of co-creation with God in the form of bringing forth new life.
This type of “sex” will most definitely activate the neurobiology of love in both participants and leave a lasting, love-filled imprint on both mother and father as well as the child being conceived.
Love is the energy that creates universes. It is all-pervasive and all-powerful.
At their core, humans ARE love and are able to experience their essence when circumstances and conditions allow for the neurobiology of love to activate within their physical vehicles (i.e., the human body).
In a context of absolute spiritual safety and trust, humans can undergo physiological, hormonal, and neurochemical changes in the brain which will trigger a release of oxytocin and endorphins into the system, activating an experience of “love.” This neurochemical experience does not require “sex” to activate, but can be triggered by something as simple as eye-gazing, such as when a new mother gazes into the eyes of her newly born babe and suddenly experiences deep and profound sensations of extreme joy and well-being – sensations which will be remembered throughout life.
The energy of love can also be felt as heart-center sensations of expansion and opening, and can cause alterations in conscious perception, enabling the experiencer to connect with a much expanded version of themselves or “God.”
Due to the extremely high levels of trauma that most humans are experiencing in the womb, at birth, and within the first two years of life, it has become increasingly difficult for us, as a species, to maintain our connection to our essence and to produce authentic experiences of love. We are, in effect, a brain damaged species, and this is making it more difficult for our systems to activate the neurobiology of love in our bodies.
To compound our troubles, we are being conditioned/manipulated to “have sex” in ways that are deeply wounding to the human psyche and spirit. This is moving us further away from our essence and from what we really want – i.e., to experience a love-filled life and to live in a culture that knows the secret to preserving love in families forever.
Getting clear about the distinction between sex and love – and adjusting our behavior accordingly—is key to our healing.
Jeanice Barcelo, M.A., is a birth doula and independent childbirth educator, specializing in the prevention and healing of birth trauma. She is an international speaker, TV and radio show host, and founder of the forthcoming “Birth of a New Earth Prepartory School for Conscious Procreation.” Jeanice has been an independent childbirth educator for the past 7 years, offering educational seminars and teacher trainings, as well as workshops and educational programs designed especially for men.
To contact Jeanice, please email jeanicebarcelo@yahoo.com or visit her website at: http://BirthofaNewEarth.com.
May 23, 2010 at 8:14 am |
you’re right cause when a woman have sex with a man/man they think they love them but it’s never that case.
October 28, 2010 at 6:35 am |
The difference between sex and love should be tought to young people already in the schools.Such an important information could avoid many unpleasant situations in the future.
November 26, 2010 at 3:54 am |
Beautiful Article! Thank you! I did not bring my daughter into this World in a Loving relationship and I can now see all three of us struggling to have a real love connection. Our hearts desire is there, but the conditioning often times drives our behavior. Where would you send me for information on how to “heal” this? With much gratitude.
November 15, 2011 at 8:56 am |
Beautiful
November 15, 2011 at 10:01 am |
http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/sources/barry_long_making_love and http://in-vrijheid-bevallen.blogspot.com/2010/10/difference-between-love-and-sexbirthing.html
Great blog, Jeanice!!
July 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm |
The ‘real deal’ is explained in this article as two people making love with the profound spiritual intent of co-creating new life. I am wondering if spiritual love making -’the real deal’ – can be achieved without the intention to create new life…? ie. if I don’t want to bring more children into my life, am I unable to experience the ‘real deal’ in lovemaking? Will lovemaking between two people with a shared spiritual intent that does not involve co-creating new life only ever be second best to the ‘real deal’ you describe?
July 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm |
Yes Vera, it is my belief that bodies coming together just for the sake of physical gratification will always be second best and never can compare with channeling our energy into co-creating life.
Please consider some of the things that are shared in the Anastasia books (http://ringingcedars.com).
…how the dark forces manage to fool women to such a degree that they unwittingly attract men with the charms of their bodies, and thereby deprive them of the opportunity of making a real choice – to choose someone close to their heart. And they themselves suffer for not being able to create a real family (Book 1, p. 58).
…the dark forces are constantly trying to make man give into base fleshly passions, to stop him from experiencing God-given grace (p. 63).
No woman can restrain a man from fornication if she allows herself to submit to him merely to satisfy his carnal needs. If that has happened, their marital life will not be a happy one. Their marital life is only an illusion of togetherness, a lie, a deception accepted by convention. For the woman immediately becomes a fornicator, regardless of whether she is married to the man or not. (p. 63).
[Society has] tried to attach shame to anyone who leaves his family. But nothing, at any time or in any situation, has been able to stop Man’s desire to seek out that sense of intuitively felt grace – the greatest satisfaction. And to persist in seeking it. (p. 64).
A false union is a frightening thing. Children…sense the artificiality, the falsity of such a union. And this makes them skeptical about everything their parents tell them. Children subconsciously sense the lie even during their conception. And that has a bad effect on them. Tell me who – what individual – would want to come into the world as a result of carnal pleasures alone? We would all like to be created under a great impulsion of love, the aspiration to creation itself, and not simply come into the world as a result of someone’s carnal pleasure. (p. 64)
Sex, by itself, is very bad. It leads Man away from truth, destroys families. An enormous amount of energy is wasted (p. 65).
Re: Porno – devices of the dark forces obscuring spirituality by provoking base carnal desires… they act through women, exploiting their beauty. A beauty whose real purpose is to engender and support in men the spirit of the poet, the artist, the creator. But to do that, women themselves must be pure. If there is not sufficient purity, they start trying to attract men by fleshly charms. The outward beauty of empty vessels. In the upshot, the men are deceived and the women must suffer their whole lives on account of this deception. (p. 66)
You have now become a real man… the usual sex will be repugnant to you. It does not bring what you experienced last night, and what you experienced last night is possible only when you desire to have a child and the woman wants the same from you. When she loves you.
Loves? But under those conditions… that can happen only a few times during one’s whole life!
I assure you, Vladimir , that is enough for your whole life to be happy. You will feel the same way eventually. People enter many times afresh into sexual interation only through the flesh – not realizing that true satisfaction in the flesh is impossible to attain. A man and a woman who unite on every plane of existence, impelled by radiant inspiration, earnestly aspiring to the act of creation, experience tremendous satisfaction. The Creator gave this experience to Man alone. No transitory thing, this satisfaction. It never can compare with fleeting, fleshly gratification. As you cherish the feelings from it over time, all planes of being will, with influence sublime, happify your life and the woman too – a woman who can give birth to a creation in the Creator’s own image and likeness. His design! (p. 67).
Do not allow it access to your thoughts or body. All women should avoid intimate relations with men who permit destructive thinking into their consciousness, so as not to reproduce it over and over again… if women start acting that way, there will be no war on the Earth. (4, 46).
In fact the satisfaction from the merging of mere fleshly bodies is fleeting and incomplete. In the intercourse of carnal desire there is no participation by the higher planes of the human self… The sad consequence of these carnal pleasures has been their children. The children were deprived of conscious aspirations toward the goal of realization of the Divine dream. And women began experiencing pain in childbirth. And the rising generation was doomed to live in torment, and the absence of the three planes of being meant they were afforded no opportunity of attaining happiness in any way. And so we have come down to the present day. (4, 59)
One of the first women to experience pain in childbirth saw that her newborn baby girl had injured her little leg during the birth and was so frail that she wasn’t even able to utter a cry. The woman also saw that the man who had enjoyed sexual pleasure with her remained indifferent to the birth, and was already seeking to pleasure himself with another woman… (4, 59).
The will strive to possess body after body, or make paltry and fateful use of their own bodies, realizing only intuitively that they are drifting farther and farther away from the true happiness of a true union… Here is an absolutely accurate explanation of the cause of conjugal infidelity… a man and a woman – the so-called husband and wife – engage in sex just for the sake of sex. When they intuitively feel they are not getting sufficient satisfaction, they turn to a specialist and read supplementary literature on the subject. They are advised to try various positions and ways of caressing each other – in other words, to engage in a search for greater satisfaction through switching sexual techniques. Note what I said – engage in a search… but where are the limits of this search. Is it just limited to a change of positions? The logical next step is a change of bodies…. (6, 18).
Both scientists and wise-men of old have determined that the first man in the life of a virgin leaves his imprint on her in spirit and in blood – a mental and physical portrait of her offspring to come. All other men who enter into intimate relations with her thereafter for child-bearing purposes have nothing to offer her but their semen and diseases of the flesh. (8.2, 36)
What people do in bed today, calling it ‘love-making’, is a mere mockery of Love and a debasement of God. The satisfaction of fleshly needs lasts but for a moment, and I would venture to say that it cannot compare with even a hundredth part of what has been determined in God’s plan for Man. (8.2, 152)
…what I am proposing is to refrain from engaging in sex just for the sake of sex, either before or after the marriage is registered…(6, 19).
July 15, 2012 at 7:19 pm
Fascinating. Thank you